Chazz Asks: Do you think that you can still have a relationship with a person after you’ve had sex on the first date?

Comments 42

  1. Yes I do think that you can be in a relationship if you have sex with them on the first date for one thing I have done it before and another thing is one of my guy cousins once told me, and I have asked other guys the same question and they agreed, that a guy pretty much knows after fifteen minutes of talking to a girl if she is a girl he could see actually being a potential girlfriend. He said that within fifteen minutes a guy knows if he sees her as a friend, a girlfriend, or just a sex partner and that it makes no difference if he puts a girl in the girlfriend category it doesn’t matter if she sleeps with him or not he’s still going to want her as a girlfriend either way, and the same goes for a girl he just wants to hit if that’s all he wants that’s all he wants and sleeping with him isn’t going to change that. So my answer is yes you can it just depends on how much the person likes you already or if the person sees you as relationship material.

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  2. The short answer is yes. When you are single, men tend to list their prospectes by the most attractive, best personality ect. But say you go out with a girl that was not at the top of your list of prospects and have sex with her. The following week, you pick up your cell phone and say I can call a prospect for potential sex, watching a movie you might have already seen playing the whole game, or I can play the game knowing I will win. I found in the past I called the sure thing so much my other prospects expired and I wound up with the sure thing. Even my attempts to cheat would expire.

    Now ladies I will caution you this will not work if there is a huge gap between you and the guys other prospects. If you are a 5 but a sure thing, you might not get a call back if one of his prospects are a 9. but if you are like a 7.5 sure thing trumps a potential 9. It also will not work with overly successful and or handsome man these guys are flooded with 9-10 your only chance if are are a 9+ is to out whit not out tit. Lastly it will not work with a man that has alot of time on his hands. You don’t have to be successful to have spare time, teachers for example are off now for the summer, this guy has time for the potential and the sure thing, and if you are the sure thing, he might just wait until the one with the most potential is ready, and you would bridge the gap sad to say. But the best thing is to have more than sex to offer a man.

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      Lol, I’m reading this and it sounds messed up but I have to admit that there’s a lot of truth to it. I mean I think a lot of guys have ended up with women because the woman was really just there and available when other women (even ones the guy preferred more) weren’t. People in general usually do take the path of least resistance and as you said not everyone has the same option or time on their hands to pursue them.

      1. I completely agree with both of you. And it works this way for women. Yes, a woman doesn’t look at looks as the main requirement, we still hope for the Lamborghini but will settle for a decent Lexus. It all depends on the available options and what you can afford.

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      2. I met up with a guy that I talked with almost a year online. We had breakfast together. He didn’t ask me out again. Then, a few months down the road he’s chatting on and off with me again. By then I’m dating someone steadily so he’s a back-burner guy. By month 10 he’s really chasing me and my guy and I are no longer dating. This guy I letting it be known he really wants more than just friendship. I question my gut feeling because he drinks and smokes and works long hours, 3rd shift. Finally, I decide, OK I’ll get to know him. For almost a year he visits me often after work or before work. No sex.

        By the time I decided I would give it go and we have sex, I find out he dated a HOMELY looking girl the next day after our date. Apparently, she let him “smash” her. He admitted that he didn’t think I really wanted to date him and she was willing to give. You can bet that this revelation that he was seeing me as often as he was and he had a girlfriend spoke volumes as to the type of person he was. So, obviously, this girl gave him sex and got a relationship out of it.

        I did try a one night stand and it just nauseated me. I felt like if this guy to smash just any one without knowing them, I wouldn’t want a relationship with them!

  3. I agree with Miranda. That shouldn’t be a concern if both people really like each other. It definitely depends on the intent of both parties involved and also on compatibility beyond physical attraction. Although, if you haven’t really invested in the person and it turns out they suck in bed or just blah…you might feel reluctant to give them a chance, whereas, if you had gotten to know them and fell for them, then it might not be a big deal.

  4. I feel both people would have to want a relationship. That being said, it will be EXTREMELY DIFFICULT because the tone of the relationship has been set (on sex) and “most” men are not going to run the marathon if they’ve already received the medal. Now, anytime drama occurs or the wind blows too fast, he’ll quit you. What reason does he have to fight for a relationship when there’s no investment. Kind of like if your parents save money into an account and give you a debit card. You’ll likely spend frivulously because you didn’t have to make the sacrifice to save. BUT, if you were the one sacrificing to save, you’ll be more frugal in your spending.

  5. Yes, I know some people who’ve been married for several years and they had sex on the first date.

    Having said that, even they said that was unusual. They had had one night stands with other people (fyi, they’re aging hippies, so their count is through the roof) that didn’t amount to anything. They just happened to sleep with their match and it happened to work.

    Sleeping with someone on the first date isn’t a good relationship strategy. A good relationship is built on trust, commitment and being conscientious as well as love. These things are rarely present during sex on the first date. You can try it, but you might have to sleep with a lot of people before you strike gold. Besides, it’s not very healthy.

  6. Wassup Chazz,

    I want to thank you first and foremost for putting out those positive messages on your Youtube channel as well as all of your other projects you’re working on. It’s very uplifting for “our people” to have the knowledge of something and give it to others. I’m working on my own little projects, ideas I have in my head that I want to share with the world as well so I see your vision my brotha. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, on to my opinionated answer to that question.

    I personally think that you can have a relationship with someone you’ve slept with on the first date but it’s a small window of either salvaging what you could possibly have or what you will lose for good depending on how the 2 people feel about each other.

    Lets be real, when we first meet someone, we’re always attracted by the physical. That leaves a lot of space for anything to happen….fast too lol. Once those decisions are made and you go through with them, there’s nothing you can do to go back. It’s only when one person sets their standards or their “Bar” higher than the other person that more than likely it will not work out after you hit it so fast. Then again, how could that person with the high “Bar” be angry? He or she was the other party involved and it takes 2 to tangle but we’ve heard of these cases so many times especially with us fellas. We tend to feel as if a chic let us “Hit” so fast that she’s probably a ho that gets down like that all the time so we don’t want to take a chance of getting hurt. We figure, we got what we wanted so lets cut our losses before it goes any further.

    Overall it depends on the person or people involved though, their mentality and what they’re looking to ultimately gain out of it. I personally feel that if (and that’s a BIG IF) you care about that person (not only) physically but you both see some sort of foregoing potential of growth between one another and you’re both willing to admit that y’all both made a mistake by moving a tad bit too fast then yeah I think anyone will have a chance to make it.

    You just have to make sure you take it a little slower going forward because you don’t want to get locked into the “Friends with benefits” category (for women) and you don’t want to take too long and get locked into the “Friend Zone” category (for fellas). It’s an even balance and a fine line that needs to be walked but if done right, it’s possible. Just my opinion though…what do I know! (Jordan shrug)!


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  7. It’s rare, but I think it can friend had sex with her man on the first date and they are married now. but now her man knows she would just offer her body to any stranger if she wasn’t with him. she wishes that she did wait because the first sex would have been more special (if she waited). so there is regret if you have sex on the first date and then create a long term relationship.

  8. Hi Chazz,
    When I meet someone and i feel very attracted to, i don’t hesitate to sleep with him on the 1st date. I had 7 one night stands, but i ended up dating them longer. Most of them i have dated for more than 3 weeks to several months. And with two of them i had long relationships (4 years and the other was 1 year).
    I think that if you have a great connexion with someone, you will have in most cases a great connexion with the person after you had sex on the 1st date. 🙂

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          1. Yes,if my feeling is right i don’t hesitate. Sex is a beautiful thing! 🙂 But everyone is different. I only get really comfortable with a guy after i had sex with him. How do you think about this Chazz? 🙂 Does a woman have more value in your eyes when she holds out? I’d love to hear your opinion!! haha

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            It really does depend, just because a woman holds out for one guy doesn’t mean that she does that for everyone so I can’t really use that to give or take away value.

  9. Hey Chaz,
    I watched your it’s better to be easy video then I clicked and watched the when a guy shows interest but backs off when things get seroius. In that video you mentioned guys not wanting to invest in the wrong girl again so they run tests. You said girls do the same thing. Just out of curiousity could you say what a few of the tests could be in a video? Girl tests too just in case I’m unintentionally testing him. And possibly explain why we fail, you know so maybe we won’t be blindsighted.

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  10. I had great and memorable sex on the first date with a woman 14 years ago. She and I have been married for 13 years. If things go forward smoothly and properly, then it can work out very well. Risky, in retrospect, but waiting just because prevailing doctrine tells you to seems needlessly complicated.

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  11. Hi, I just believe that it depends on you and the guy. If there’s that bond and connection then that’s great. But the biggest negative is if use argue several months or years down the line he will say ‘ you are a hoe you had sex on the first date’ that’s the only downfall.

    Just think twice! 😉

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      I see what you’re saying and that’s true that a lot of guys do like to be cool with something until they get mad at the girl then that’s the first thing they bring up. So you think that the sex on the first date with always be in the back of his mind?

  12. If 2 people hook up on a first date it should be well known to both parties that it’s just a primal thing. Go thru the steps with your heart on ice. 1) Apply friction. 2) Go home. If something comes from it NATURALLY, great. If you find your self manipulating the situation to get more, or you’re being manipulated….. cut ties completely. Sometimes things are just what they are and nothing more or less. I love your channel because it creates dialogue. I feel like it’s a safe place to say the following in the name of understanding and expression (not insults and war): I think women are more guilty of this than a man. I guess I understand why. For women it’s more an emotional experience so they tend to get hooked in ways that are not intended. Then they proceed to cause harm with their manipulations and eventually vindictive actions. For the ladies: I have total respect for you. The statement is not to harm. It’s to communicate and problem-solve.

  13. If she was a ho? Naaah Chazz lol. Chances are if she’s a ho, her reputation is not that good and I’m not about to let her ruin mines lol. Funny thing is I would deal with her but it would have to be behind the scenes. Give her directions and cab instructions on how to get to me like Tom Cruise in “Eyes Wide Shut” lol. I just don’t think you can do much to change a person that has those type of tendencies. It’s way different from someone who you really like and vice versa and that energy is just there and you act out on it.

    1. HI, Chazz. this is the best dating website for the hood or regular people. My situation was this: I met a girl on a dating website talked to her for over 2 months without meeting, she cancelled like 4 times. I met her the first time, I bagged her (smashed). The week after I bagged her, again (Friday. The next day after i smashed her, (Saturday) she went away for Labor Day weekend, and told me not to contact her, cuz she was busy “with her friend”, and not picking up phone. WHen she returned Monday Night, I felt weird, and asked her “where do i stand”? I felt she was seeing two guys at the same time, especially the day after I smashed. Would you believe, she got defensive, said I was rushing things, moving too fast, and that we only went out twice. In my mind I was like ” why she downplaying this, we went out only twice and I SMASHED HER”. I then defended myself and was denying that I was rushing things. Anyway, from their I told her the communication was fading anyway, she started acting the fool with me, we bad mouthed each other, and ITS OVER that Monday night. That’s that.

      So what happened? Did, i catch feelings after I smashed her, that fast? For real, I don’t feel so bad. I just felt that after I smashed, she need to cancel on the next man. Usually, I play things cool. This time I didn’t, can’t explain why. DId I subconsciously sabotage the relationship, due to my ego, not able to handle a girl smashing two guys? What up player, tell me or make a video. That would be great!

  14. I want to say first that Pete, you use smash and bagged just way too much. Seems like you really want to drive the point across that you two had sex, and you totally rocked it. Chill out!
    As to the question, No. I used to think yes, but that doesnt give a man the chance to develop for you emotionally, then at which point, it doesnt matter if the sex is great or not because you two rock at companionship together. So in otherwords…you two are compatable beyond sex. If sex is involved upfront, it will always be a factor, like he/she is a great person, but the sex was not good enough, or even the sex is so so so good, but he/she isnt that compatable with me. Either way leaving you there for the wrong reasons. Which brings it back to Pete….she probably was “smashed” better by some other dude, sorry, thats the way the cookie crumbles! Lol!

    If you develop emotionally and compatabally (word??) first, then sex doesnt matter because you love that person on a deeper level than sex. And if you arent compatable, then you move on without having the sexual attachment to have to deal with.

  15. Had one end the day after, one ended in a 3 year messy relationship. No I don’t think so. Sex doesn’t equate to relationship and isn’t the foundation of a strong relationship.

  16. Hello Chazz,

    I just discovered you today! That’s why I’m a few months behind chiming in on this conversation lol.

    My personal thought on this issue is, why is the woman the one that’s judged? The man is having sex “on the first date” as well. Should I ask myself is “he” a hoe? In regards to also having sex so quickly. Does this bring his values down? Adam and Eve messed us all up lol.

    It’s also assumed that if you have sex on a first date that you have no values. I say Ha! That’s a huge assumption to place on someone who decided to share themselves for whatever reason they chose to do so. Double standards in a mans world especially on this topic.

    Hoes come in disguises and it will be the woman who holds out after the first date as she knows how most “you men” think in regards to this having sex on a first date thing. But will be the first one to have multiple men in her life. Remember “we” as in women are smarter than y’all (smiling making this statement) and if good can make you belive anything.

    There are a lot of women who are very successful with values who would have sex on the first date depending on a host of things that brought her to do so.

    I feel a man would miss out on a very good thing if I’m based on rather I had sex with them in their mind to quick. Just because I did it with you do not mean I’ve even done it before…you might have sparked something in me to want you on this first date.


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      Well, I see that this topic hit close to home for you and I say that you just have to make a personal choice for you and be okay with whatever comes back. Some times we try our best to be defiant when we have been hurt or feel that we have made a mistake and that’s what I’m seeing from you. If you’re happy with your choices then you don’t have to do that.

  17. Yes I know lots of folks who had a relationship develop after sex on the first date but they still went through the process of taking time getting to know each other and neither person behaved in a needy way or with tons or red flags so it went smoothly as if they didn’t have sex on the first date.

  18. If it wasn´t too bad^^ nah I mean generally why not, had a friend that had a supposed one-night stand that turned into a 7-year relationship so I guess it can work.
    Well I tend to wate in times for me to check out and not to make a promise before I know, I figured guys have feelings, too.
    but mostly I knew from the start and I tend to take a closer look if there is enough reasons why. It doesn´t chance a thing though, I also didn´t wate as long and I figured it´s like this, both sexes, if you really feel each other it does mean something yes also for men I learned and no no lame guys at all, you can wait for month well ok maybe don´t stress it too much at a certain point well, why? or have sex on the first date we look at it this way or the other one and guys they either like you seriously or not and how much we tend to make a choice from the start we just delay the process and well I do in times and it is a myth that goes on in parts, that guys they judge you based on it that is either someone stuck in ancient times and I suspect it also happend then and turned into sth serious in times, or someone extremely insecure who would do that, so not the best choice to begin with I think. I feel the only good reasons to wate that would be if you simply want to and you feel other things come first or if you feel it´s serious maybe then reflect first makes sense to not jump in in times or hey makes it somewhat and that´s it.
    But thinking it would chance anything,. I feel quite impossible.

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