Chazz Asks: Is marriage outdated?

Comments 13

  1. ShadowSiren88

    I don’t feel its overrated, it still symbolizes a new chapter in peoples lives to settle down. The religious union I feel is the overrated part about it, because simply people change and because of that relationships change. Originally marriages were functions for families not the bride and groom, modernly this is not the case anymore.

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      1. Artissa

        Hello, handsome…I really appreciate your relationship insight’s honestly I learn so much and laugh my but off…you are hella funny dude. But anyway! No, marriage is not where out dated. That’s why we still have that burning desire to get married. I know I do. Quick question: what are your thoughts on marrying someone like 15 years younger than you? I’m 40, but don’t look it at all…this guy is 26 talking about marriage I listen but in my mind in like I’m old enough to be his teenage mother.

  2. Kevin Howard

    I think it’s only outdated to the ones that make it seem like its a style. Marriage should be about the coming together of 2 people to make each others lives easier in this sometimes stressful world. A married couple is suppose to be like a permanent fun vacation to each other and bring peace to each others lives, inspire, uplift one another etc. I think what makes us think marriage is outdated is when we look at some of these celebs that do it. Some of them are “Doin it” for real and then others it comes off kinda corny, looks more like a business arrangement. They usually latch up because there’s a baby on the way already then they do the do and usually 2 years later you’re hearing about them heading towards divorce because he got caught screwing his stylist etc. That could make it discouraging to those that follow these types of people but if you have your own mind and you know when you are in love for real then you should follow the blueprint of your heart and do the right thing. It can work if 2 people really love each other.

  3. Yvette

    No, marriage is not outdated. Marriage is not only a symbol of the ultimate commitment, but it’s also a safeguard. By safeguard I mean you have legal rights when you are married. This is why gay people want to get married, among other reasons. I’ve heard of people, who don’t live in a common-law marriage States, that lose out on seeing their loved ones when they’re in the hospital, they lose personal property they’ve acquired with their significant other, and are not allowed to attend a funeral because they are not officially a family member. I think it’s best to marry, when possible for tons of reasons that people don’t think of. We must remember that it is a contract.

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      Chazz Ellis

      I see what you’re saying especially from the legal stand point because if you’re not married then you will have to take care of each of those things on a case by case basis. Hell by the time you get finished getting the right to be there for your partner and children and share property you would pretty much be married anyway. So it makes since to just get married.

  4. NLG

    Marriage= legal contract. Marriage= commitment. Marriage = security. Marriage= permanent fun vacation. Marriage symbolizes and provides many things to many people. How many people actually marry and stay together in a marriage until death does them part? Very few! The idea of traditional marriage does not seem to be present today. Or have the ideas of security, commitment, happiness…etc. changed?

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      Chazz Ellis

      I think that people want a lot more out of life in general than they did a long time ago. I think that most people get married but still want more and start to feel that the marriage is holding them back.

      1. Kim

        Everything moves so fast now that marriage and committed relationships are as much of a fad as skinny jeans. The pressure to get married is real but few can hold their weight in domestic situation.

  5. Shannon

    Marriage purpose and value has changed with culture, social structure, and economy. It was a necessity for survival at some time and today it seems to be a perception in people’s minds, which is then brought to reality once the marital status is official. Having been married myself, I have seen the joys and woes that comes with it. The tearing of my heart through divorce does not invalidate the years I had in the marriage. I have been happy being married and I am actually happy being single. I just see the value in each. Getting married again is not so much a necessity for me nor is it something I detest, but developing better personal relationships is a MUST for me. I cannot be happy any other way.

  6. Jessica

    No, but I think people marry and stay married now more because they genuinely love each other and not because the girl got preggers and its looked down upon, or because of money or other motives.

  7. j

    I think less and less people are getting married now. I think the reason is because of multiple reasons. I think its because of children of divorce and single parent families coming of age (a domino effect). They didnt grow up seeing marriage as a normal part of life and have a fear of it. I think its a hook up ,disposable culture of seperating sex from intimacy. Technological advances like internet, cell phones and social media perverting and destroying courtship. A selfish narcassistic culture. A welfare society that rewards single parenthood. The easy availability of sex for men without having to marry or comitt. A legal system that favors women and punishes men in divorce and child custody like it was still the 50s. Its no wonder marriage has fallen out of favor, and even serious relationships for that matter. I really wonder what the future holds. Im so glad I got married when I was young and dont have to try to find it now in this climate.

  8. Francesca

    Ok, I saw recently what you think about it and read your comments I personally agree 99 percent. From the legal standpoint yes, at a certain point in time even within a relationship it does make sense to secure each other and they are different ways to do that marriage is just yah a bundled up option. Then, well outdated we know times changed so why go to deep with it here. The need to marry to survive for some people is not there anymore. The mindset of, oh we can always get divorced, what you put out there in the “nbr. 1 reason why people get divorced” absolutely matches my idea and way to think bout it and go about relationships also and what I see around me, reaffirms it.
    The reason why people want to or not be married or in a relationship to begin with are variable ones, to look at it also specifically, I thought you meant that, I think does make sense. in the end your morals and ideals are very important I feel, if applied to a certain situation though it is necessary to look at it closer also, motivation and well you can have the best of ideas they must be applicable to life also, so looking if there is enough basis and motivation makes sense.
    When it comes to the expectations regarding marriage, well one should make a good choice, to begin with. personally, even moving in I´d think about it and of course you can move out again, still at a certain point uniting lifes somehow to me makes sense to me, if you know you want to go on and then only.
    I feel the romantic idea of love, including working on it was there in all times and just like today it was a real rare case though and more rarely where it worked, in ancient times it often happened outside of an actual marriadge and from then on, just recently it becomes more likely for people to want that within one. saw it once, where it worked the way I personally feel that is my ideal so far, so I think unlikely but people always wanted that.
    And they are many reasons why. It´s what all these religions seem to talk about, the mind, spirit, body the sense the being one with, the driving forces in a person we could explain it psychologically, with childhood and wanting that feeling back of being one and then also fear of losing, being an infant, cognition, we could simplify it with the driving force of wanting ehh having children? Or go back and say, well that is growing that is the willingness to do something and to create at the beginning there was… and so on.
    Guess men and women most somewhere even if hidden want that kind of love. Also security but it is just one part of it. That romantic love is security and fear of losing to a certain degree..
    Marriages in 1950´s not all but they had some problems, was good to really stick together and invest, well then if you´d be an outcast and your mental and physical wellbeing would be in danger if not.. People today are more likely to decide if and how they want to live here marriages, still upbringing and cultural influences, surrounding experiences are influencing factors.
    I understand if one decides I want to go that way one has to look carefully at good and less good parts of a person and say I applied that to my life also, all willingness and wishful thinking won´t help you can only work with what is there, to begin with and with visions both have and if they match. The more traditional role of men and women so I get you here for the most part, say go all way trough and then though if one looks further it´s not all that and in a good way it´s not, it´s interesting that all we say we want is not necceserely all we need in the end I learned that so far at least it seems to apply to me.
    If we´d be in what was most likely in 1950´s you´d already be not manly and weard investing time in analyzing relationships and talking, even if mostly analytically and it makes a lot of sense like this, additionally there is a feeling and it makes just as mutsh sense also. It is a good thing beeing able to work with that in relationships and that was vastly missing in the 1950´s too busy fitting in and feelings in men weren´t for the most part the way to go, still some did and I saw that, so still we´re judging here from the main situation. And women yes, you say submissive i absolutely see your point just well choice of words. Being able to trust and willing to do things, able to look up to the man youé with and trust his decision and make him do some also does make sense for some least for me I figured that´s a good way. Not always, women do to and I suspect calling a man that trusts his women there and respects her submissive would be also still ok, your point shows trough and you also make it clear enough I think.
    I still find hat word interesting as I see it as a main problem 1950´s and now, you can live as traditional as you want or not, being too submissive leads to loosing the person one fell in love with and I see it as a main problem why people wanted and want out. Love is a mixture of call it submissiveness and beeing free of being one and trust and security, and beeing apart, desire and fear of losing. Id´s say it can come in different forms, if we just think bout how it can work, say a women even if she chooses to stay at home or primarily well say immerse her life with that of her men, her ability to be her own person, have own passions, ideas and ability to go on if she wanted to helps both, a men will only respect and love a women if he feels somewhere that somehow he could loose her and he has to in times conquer her again and also from the womens standpoint in her way, doesn´t mean either of both must be more willing to leave I mean here you are more willing to work on it and stay.
    And I feel expectations are a good thing and things should be clear from the start for the most part, still there must be some space. if one expects someone to fulfill a role 100 percent it is less likely to appreciate what happens as it is to not be happy if not fulfilled or not fully or not as one imagined that is simply psychology and so say, i would like the men to pay more often so why not if both feel comfortable, if he always has to do it I´d be disappointed at least if not. And it would feel less of a sign of hei, I want to do that specifically for you, then just daily business and if it´s not always the case each and every time, then a thank you and beeing happy about it and appreciating comes way easier and makes both happy, least I figured that makes sense for me somehow.
    The dish part in your Alpha video, it is a little hard I guess to still be proud and your own person that one can really love and respect and see that things even if not always with joy are done for a person or specifically that relationship and it is a free choice and not because one things I have to or I am just fearful, not able to stand up for myself,. I get it though somehow for the most part.
    I had a chance to grew up as oldschool as it gets in parts and then also the other way, still I see enough people living very traditional genderroles for the most part and with a little modern twist and the twist helps the mutual respect and it should be made as big as it helps and I see what can can corrilate with too tight genderroles for men and women, not allowing men to feel and putting up too mutsh pressure to constantly be “the man” and women and there part. I could annoy you with figures and all, all I want is people to be happy and ideals and preferences are fine I have mine also, this is more a general look at it too tight ideas in history and nowadays come with traps so maybe loosing it up where people have space to develop and feel I think makes sense wherever that is the case and for the main part that is what I see you doing there so I feel it does help. Ialso get the things attached to those thoughts I sispect and the inbetwen modern and oldschool well I see that.
    I guess ideals are important the trying to come as close as possible is a good idea, it is a driving force and a useful one fantasy is and dreams are, putting up ideals as requirements meant disasters for the most part and guess we all know so we all share the task to juggle the line wherever ours is, between our ideal and the possibility to get most out of life. just like love in all ways possible, being strict and living up to something is good, being to strict and ask for too much suffocates the source of what makes it worth living. Here that is one of the hardest things to figure a balance out if one has certain ideals when it comes to relationships, probably. So good luck for all of us.

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