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Personally, I would prefer to marry someone who has already been married and divorced once because his life experience would be more aligned with mine. Currently, I’m in my 40s and my child is a young adult so it would make sense for me to date and eventually marry someone with similar life experiences.
Along that same line of thought, I understand it completely when single (never-been-married) people choose to avoid divorced people. Some issues may come up that will cause the pair to feel like oil and water. It could take a lot of work to help each other overcome his/her “ideals”.
Of course, the right two people with the right attitude towards relationships could make this a non-issue. 🙂
Mr. Superman my best friend says ask askchazz if its okay to date a black male, who has an excellent paying job, attends church faithfuly and owns a beautful home and is fine as wine. BUT he has been divorced twice. The first wife cheated on him and the second wife he states he got rid of her because she was into her career and not him, she just wouldn’t listen, ‘what ever that means. I DON’T know what to tell her . I told her that you were an expert on relationships. Thanks superman for saving the day, please answer.
Sounds like he is telling her that she is going to have to give him a lot of time so if she is a career woman then their relationship may not work out so well.
You know what Chazz…
I’m 31 and I have never been married. I would not want a man that have been married- I would like to be the first wife. But I would prefer if he did have a serious relationship and has learned life lessons and valuable information about himself and women. That’s the greatest thing that can come from a broken heart… Lessons Learned
I see what you are saying but I think that you are going to have to get married pretty quick because the older you get the more likely it is for everyone who is willing to get married to either be married or be divorced.
My bad Chazz for replying so late…
But yea I agree with you- I would love to get married soon but I won’t settle. I know there are more chances of the men I meet now to have been married before and you know what- I wouldn’t label him a bad egg for that- if he’s a great guy and the man for me then F’ it.
I myself prefer a man who has been married before. A man who has been married before, nines times out of ten has already figured out what went wrong in the marriage. And he most likely will not make the same mistakes over again. Where as a man who has never been married, doesn’t have a clue what married is all about. Most less know how to hold a marriage together.
That’s an interesting perspective and I can see what you’re saying.
Noone can assume that a person who has been married before knows how to do better. Believe me, many people are still doing the same wrong things and marrying the same kinds of wrong people as before. I’ve heard the statistics are more in favor of those who haven’t been married to less likely get divorced, but that doesn’t mean their marriages are happier. It just means they don’t get divorced either for religious reasons or fear and extreme codependency.
The length of time from the divorce is a factor to consider. The value system, maturity level, economic stability, and inner security are going to play the biggest role in determining the success of any relationship.
Makes sense, good comment.
Yes I’d feel like 2nd best no matter how hard I tried to look past it. But that’s because I’ve never been married only engaged. If I dated a guy with a failed engagement, I would want to know why it failed personally if he turned out to be marriage material.
hm ok, very theoretical what if thoughts here going. Not even sure if I will marry for sure so.
But some thoughts bout it. I guess I would be first hesitant and maybe feeling off, not the first time with is ok I guess still may be childish at a certain age people lived a while, well maybe also thought of baggage, emotional or some ex-wife trouble still going who knows and well, one checks that before it arrives to that point though I think and then what would count is how I feel for that man.
Well, some say even better he is experienced maybe learned from his mistakes and not sure when it comes to marriage though relationships are important to have had some or say serious ones also I feel least one and so maybe it is a plus in times, could be the case. Some say if a guy wasn´t till a certain age, there is sth off with him, not sure here might be but times changed and maybe he just wanted to live and wasn´t ready and I get it so I wouldn´t judge here. All in all I feel probably I´d lean more towards hesitant then it would always depend on the case and my feeling, though.
I’ve been divorced twice. The first time I was just young (18) and stupid. It lasted a rocky year. The second time I was financially secure and knocked up and still stupid (well, he kept weedling his way back into my life when I would dismiss him. I would have gladly raised the child alone.) So, a man might think, there’s something wrong with a woman who can’t stay married.
Well, we might think the same thing about a man who’s been married at all and divorced. We wonder, “What did he do?” LOL . If I knew the truth of what happened between the two of them (both sides of the story are the same) and the divorce was understandable, then it doesn’t matter. If they both disagree on what happened I have to trust my instincts based on his behavior. I watch him like a hawk to see if there’s any truth to what an ex might say. I will ask a lot of questions about her version of the story. If she said he cheated I’d ask him if he ever cheated before (I wouldn’t tell him I’m talking to her). If he says “only as a young teen” or something similar, I might be leery. If he was bold to get away with cheating at a young age, he might do it again. I just can’t marry someone I can’t trust. So, if the reasons for a divorce are valid and true, and I accept them, I’d marry him. If I am suspicious I will not marry him. If there’s any question as to the man lying about the marriages to make himself look better, I wouldn’t want to marry him. I wouldn’t trust him.
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